“How Do I Manage My Social Anxiety?”

Firstly, I want you to realize that social anxiety does not have to control your life. You don’t help your social anxiety by avoiding social settings.  At some point, you needed this part to protect you. To manage your anxiety, you must change the inner thoughts, sensations, and stories that fuel it.

1. Reframe your anxiety as a signal and not a threat. Your body is protecting you by scanning for rejection and judgment. Instead of fighting or judging this part, “why am I doing this?”, meet it with curiosity and compassion, “Okay, I hear you, thank you for trying to protect me, but I’ve got this under control.” This will reduce the intensity.

2. Stop catastrophizing – social anxiety increases with the negative statements you tell yourself, “Everyone will think I’m weird,” “I’ve nothing interesting to say”. Ask yourself, are these statements true, or are they just trying to protect me? Instead of focusing on yourself, get curious about others in the room. You will be less self-conscious.

 3. Label the thought – “ah, there’s the I’m going to be judged story again”. It puts distance between you and the thought – you are not your thoughts; you are the awareness noticing them.

 4. Take tiny steps toward challenging your anxiety by planning to stay in the room for a set period and/or making eye contact or smiling at 2-3 people, then remove yourself. This is not to eliminate anxiety altogether; it is to prove to your nervous system that you can handle discomfort and be okay. The more evidence you build up, the safer your body will feel, reducing social anxiety. The more you practice and intentionally turn it into an exercise, the more you gradually restore your confidence.

 5. Focus on your body and tune into sensations. Your mind will spin when anxiety sets in. Slow your breathing by taking a deep, easy breath and exhaling longer than you inhale. Notice your feet on the floor and feel grounded. Place your hand on your chest and say to yourself, “I give myself permission to feel safe right now.” Focusing on how your body feels will redirect your thoughts, helping you stop feeling so anxious.

What’s one small change you’re willing to try first? I’d love to hear.